B.

It was just the two of them, surrounded by cold.. a few dim lights lit up the pathway . She gently put her arms around his back and pulled him close. It's like she knew, without a word, without a sign; she just knew he felt alone and cold. He hugged her back as she rested her delicate chin on his left shoulder. 

He felt her warm breath upon his neck, a warmth not to be felt until long after. Her cheeks were so cold they almost stuck to his. He could have made a move, but it would've ruined the moment. Instead he chose to embrace that feeling, that moment. When someone so fragile gets close to you, you become afraid; the fear makes you frozen and stuck in place, such as a swan in the middle of a frozen lake. A fear of breaking her, as if she were an object. 

And so the innocence started to fill him up, until everything felt pure. All that existed in that moment, was innocence. This is a memory he will carry forever; when the night gets too dark, when the paths become a dead end. He will turn back the pages, back to this chapter. 

Farewell, B.

"Can you hear me?"

Love,Just.

Can you hear me?

Are you hiding? Was it your shadow, that passed by mine tonight? 

Out in the cold, surrounded by the leaves and naked trees. A whirlwind of the past hit me in the face, and I almost woke up. I almost came back, looking for you, for me.. for us. It's all but voices in the wind. The sweet taste of perfume left like a trail, meant to be followed. 

So was it you? And if it was, where did you go? Why didn't you stop? 

I can't find you if I don't know who you are, love.



"Can you hear me?"

Love,Just.

A glimpse of what you truly are

I've been walking down these concrete roads, back and forth  no matter day or night. Two steps forward, look back, keep going. I've been on many crossroads, ah.. so many chosen paths. There's even more to come, and many to be left behind. I'm not even halfway through my journey, and I have yet long distance ahead. For many trees I will pass by, an almost endless pathway.

As it was bound to happen, I got lost somewhere along the way. I do not claim to have found myself yet, but I have become aware of where I'm at. I find this place comforting, if not enjoyable, yet I move forward towards a better place.

"Behind the ice cold glass, within the dusty pages, I  caught but a glimpse of what you truly are. I want.. I need more. These pages will not come to an end, not until I decide so. It's my film, I make the cuts and I decide the ending."

"Can you hear me?"

Love,Just.

The white owl

It's late, the sky is dark. No stars to show him the way, not tonight. There's only black clouds, and traces of what appears to be a full moon. You can't see it behind the darkness, but a few dim yellow rays managed to escape through the cracks. Light finds it's way all the time, don't it? 
The white owl will guide him tonight. It spreads it's majestic wings in an attempt to cover the clouds, like a white veil floating in the wind. It's eyes shine through the night like a calling. 
Walking gently, he disappears in the night, as he follows the white owl.


"Can you hear me?"

Love,Just.

Amongst the shadows.

Standing tall amongst the shadows, his eyes lighting up the dark. He walked through the darkness for what felt like a thousand years. It is there in the dark that he has found beauty. In this awful place that takes part in his mind, he can create and mold. Give form and color to all that is faded and dark. Slay and destroy, in order to build and give life to his dreams. Little by little it all brightens up, one by one, yellow lights on a starry night. He gathers the pieces to make his soul whole again. He drowned into silence and dreamed of this moment. But the silence is gone, so he needs to keep going. 

Never stop, it never really ends.

"Can you hear me?"

Love,

Just.

A leap into the void.

He's standing in front of the pit. It ain't a metaphor for hell, there are no burning flames inside, no spikes or devils down below. Something far more terrible awaits in the darkness. Fear and nothingness, despair and sorrow. His own self, lost and troubled. He realizes now, he needs to get down there, to find himself among the shadows. So he decides to take a leap into the void. But fear no more, for he is going to return. 

The beauty about darkness, as well as fear, is that once faced it dissipates. The shadows scatter in the morning light. Sorrow can only fade away in front of happiness. 
This was the first, but not the final jump.



"Can you hear me?"

Love,
Just.

The Devil rides shotgun.

Wind howling through the half down window. The engine growls repeatedly in it's attempt to dance with the dirty road. A black mustang galloping through to the unknown. The broken speedometer is all the way to the right, one hundred and twenty Miles per hour. But he's running even faster, he can feel it. He keeps a steady hand on the wheel, knowing one small mistake and it all turns into a lump of metal. Fire and ashes, and trails of hot petrol on the cold senseless highway. For a second, he wants that.

He wants to feel something, even if death. To know there is no left regret.
He wants to rise, only to fall and rise again. The love, the joy, the fear and pain. 
He wants it all and something more. To find and lose, he wishes for.
Something to gain, something to lose. Tonight he's making no excuse.

He's not alone. The Devil rides shotgun tonight.



"Can you hear me?"

Love,Just.

She's just a phantom.

It's been a while since their last chat. Like a phantom she swept in and out of his life. Leaving no trace of her existence, no assurance of her connection with reality. He always thought it's rather odd, how even up close, he could not sense her scent. How from afar her big eyes always shined, brighter than any dark gem. 

All he's got is frames of motion. He's standing by the window, she's not too far away. He can not see her lips, a couple strands of hair are in the way. Yet somehow he knows, he knows she's smiling. Whenever he talked, she would turn completely towards him, locking her eyes on his. She wanted to make sure nothing is lost, none of the emotion within the words he spoke. 

Her picture slowly fades away. With every blow of wind, another layer of dust sets over. Eventually the dust will take over the memories, and he'll be left with all but a pile of ashes. Ashes ready to be blown away by every breath he draws. He wonders if she ever existed. 

Reality can get difficult to recognize without an anchor.

"Ooo- oo

Won't you meet me in the morning?

Ooo- ooo

You left without any warning

Ooo- ooo Oh-Oh

I don't know where to put you now

Ashes like snow

Where did you go-oh?" (Lilly Kershaw - Ashes like snow)

"Can you hear me?"

Love,

Just.

The gate

Walking below the leafless branches, through the dark place he once called forest. There is no forest anymore, the cold wind blew them all apart. One by one, they fell to the ground. Echoing in the dark as they hit the cold dirt. It's only now that he is able to notice all that's around him. He's in a maze.

He's been walking for long, hoping for more. Having no clue that he's slowly walking in circles, dancing with the leaves, talking to the wind. It is now, that he can truly see beyond the dark green veil, a veil that covered his eyes all along. 

From far away he notices, a tall iron gate. He starts running towards it, but the more he runs, the further he is. Every step he takes enlarges the distance. He can not reach the gate by any means, so he decides to stop. He stands still with his eyes closed as his arm reaches forward. Suddenly, he feels his fingertips against the gate. Eyes open and he sees it, the iron gate in front of him. A gate covered in dirt and rust, a gate that holds his dreams and hopes within.

In one swift motion he opens the gate and walks through it. The iron doors close behind him, and he wakes up in what appears to be another forest. He got out of the labyrinth, a labyrinth of smoke and ashes. He passed a gate but there's a thousand more to come. A thousand more, small paths to walk upon. He can not rest, and nor to stop. Another gate awaits him.



Love,
Just.

Five seconds

The stars are lot brighter from the 14th floor roof top. They are both on the ledge, legs hanging down to what appears to be an invitation towards a sudden death. Neither of them will say it out loud, but they're both sharing a thought. Five seconds, disguised as an eternity. That's how long it would take for them to end it all. One jump, two souls, and an uncertain destination. As cold and frozen as it is, the concrete would feel warmer than any of the hotel beds. Their journey would end with a bang.

Ah but what a shame, to fill her dress up all in red. A shame to smudge the color off her pretty lips, or to destroy that smile. 
She wouldn't dare to let him close those eyes forever. Not now, not ever.

There's pages to be filled, and chapters to end. Tonight they dance in total darkness, intoxicated but alive. 


Love,Just.

The window from afar

He sees the window from afar, as if divided by two frames. A yellow dim light brightens it up, a light that's always on when the darkness falls upon the window. It's far and yet so close.
One step, and through the clear glass he sees her.

-What are you doing, standing here by the window?
-I'm waiting for you, she says.

He looks at her but he can't see the details, just blurry shapes in a dim yellow light. He want's to reach to her but all he feels is cold glass. Their fingertips are against one another, melting the barrier between. Slowly and steady, soon there will be nothing to stop them. Every second that passes feels like eternity, but the seconds will pass. When that will happen he won't be on the outside anymore. She won't have to wait.


Echoing deep, she hears him "I'm almost there".



Love,Just.

The oak.

The old oak tree stands tall as they lay beneath it, on the cold autumn leaves. If it wasn't for the wind to assure him, he'd think it is all but a dream. An old story on what used to be a white page, before time left it's yellow prints all over. But he's not dreaming anymore, he can not be.
She's there but they can't touch each other. They touch, but they don't feel a thing. Her long blond hair, her green eyes the color of topaz, her fresh white-pink lips. They're all there right in front of him, but he can not see. Just as she can not feel his warmth while his arms are around her, neither the passion he puts into every kiss on her cold neck.
They are but ghosts, to one another. Both real, both fantasy. Two souls that don't exist together.


The old oak tree, stands tall.



Love,Just.

A glimpse at the past.

They never met, and yet they know each other. At least he knows her. She tries to fool him and herself, but he can see beyond her foolish try to deceive. The mask becomes useless to her, as every thought echoes through to him. He gets through all that mist within she hides. Once the mist is gone, we become naked, stripped by our fake smiles, we become special.. beautiful even.

He can't tell yet if she's in for the long ride, he doesn't know if she'll get off at the next station. That's the good part, not knowing when they part away. They're on different paths but share the same train. Be it short or not, the train left the station and they started their journey. To better places, for better wishes. 

She helped him glimpse back at the past, reminded him of who he was and what he has become. The cold autumn rain, that brings you back to reality with every drop that falls onto your face. Reality.. such an important thing we often fall away from.

Love,Just.

An old willow tree

She's in her late twenties, she's all grown up. Dark blonde with a hint of gold in her hair, perfect height and an average weight. There's nothing there for you, nothing special, not on the first glimpse. She doesn't even share anything with you, nothing in common, no point to bond.
-"I've never been there"
-"So let's go then! C'mon, don't be scared!" she said, with a big smile on her pretty face. You can't miss that smile, it makes your body stop for just a split second. You're just standing there eyes locked on the upper lip and the shiny piercing.
That's how their journey started, in the begining of a small pathway. They kept going and going, until they were too deep in the forest to go back. Soon the minutes turned into moments, and the surroundings into paintings.
-"Look! I found an old willow tree" she says with excitement.
-"I guess we both found something interesting today, love.."
The tree was hollow, like it was missing a big part of itself. So that made two of them.

They sat there for a while, enjoying the time, enjoying themselves, enjoying eachother. One of those special moments that can't and will not ever be replicated, but the memory remains. In the end, all we got is memories, and this was a good one.


Love,Just.

The last train.

"We made it love! We're here." 

The quietness surrounds them like a summer mist. Only.. it's the end of the summer, it's August. The green grass is not yet gone, you can still smell it in the morning. A fresh scent that wakes you up, just as an entire waterfall of nature's fragrance would hit you.

They sit there.. watching the ducks bathing in the sun's light and the lake's blue water. Sometimes just doing nothing and enjoying the view, is the most perfect thing you can do. It's the time when you get a glimpse to the simplicity of life. at the same time unable to neglect the importance of death.

"You know, I'm gonna have to let go of your hand soon. I hope you are ready."

And as she said that, she gently stroke his fingers while kissing his left cheek. 

"I know love, I try to pretend I don't, but I know." 

Truth is, he didn't just pretend, he convinced himself it's a lie. Many try to achieve such a thing, the point where they meet total denial. Not so many succeed. But him, oh he's so damn good at it!

"We could stay here forever, we could change together.. yet, we should not. Maybe we just met too soon"

"Maybe we met exactly when we needed it. I know I did, I needed this so bad. I needed you like I need air to breathe right now." 

Now you need to get on that train,love. So goodbye.

Love,Just.

A grain of sand

"It's the middle of summer and we're on the beach. Sand grains running down our feet with every step we make. The sun is not up yet, and the fog is slowly retreating with every minute that passes. We've been walking on the beach for what feels like forever. Neither of us dares to speak, we are just walking down the lane of our memories."

Out of a sudden, she breaks the silence. "We've been walking for so long, maybe it's time we stopped and gave ourselves a moment". As she said that, a short smile showed up on her face. It was just a short one, cause soon after she let out a sigh.
As he stops, his eyes are glancing at her small hand. "Your nail polish is wearing off. I think it looks like the polish particles are trying to get away from your fingers. I can't imagine anyone or anything would want to be away from you". She grins and takes a sit on the cold sand, and as she does that, he realizes how dull his comment sounded. 
"Let's get back to the silence, I just want to stay here and be with you right now. Anything, everything ..is far away from us right now, far behind those rocks" she says, as she looks at the enormous rocks that part the beach from the streets of the city.

The city may not be so far behind the rocks, but that's just in the real world. They ..they live in a fantasy right now, and it is fucking sweet.


Love,Just.

Old city

It's late in night. The wind blows hard through the dark alleys of the city, passing by the shadowed windows and leaving all the souls behind. If it could whisper, if it could talk, the wind would share so many thoughts of all those souls that hide from it ... they hide behind the carved, dusty walls of their buildings. Those very same walls that wind passed by so many times, and will pass again, and again, until the very end.

A young man is walking those dark alleys, looking for ..something, anything. Anything that could get him away from all of it. He walks slowly, listening to all the sounds around him. It might be late, but the city never sleeps ..you can always hear the noise, be it late in night or early morning. The sound of an engine fades away into the distance,  the noise of an old air conditioner ticks like a broken clock ..tick! tick! tock! tick! tock! tock!

In the building on the left he can see a light on, at the second floor. A young girl, barely in her high school years just walked into the kitchen. Every night you can hear her mother cry, every night she hopes it's the last time her daughter showed up late ..with a bottle of vodka.
If you look a bit to the left, you will see a couple in their mid 20's. He came home wearing the scent of another woman. She still hopes this is the last time, he promised after all. He promised last week, and the week before, and he will promise again 3 months from now. One year from now, he will be at a different window ..only this time it will be her that will promise. Unless, this is the real world. In real world the window will remain the same, and she will only be one year older ..hoping as always.

Ah sweet old city, a place of hopes and dreams, overwhelmed and overtaken by fear and despair. A place that doesn't know the notion of quiet.




-Been a while since my last post. A "friend" if I may call her that, reminded me how much I enjoyed writing a short story every now and then. I'm back, or so I think at the moment.


Love,Just.